Legend of Grimrock DVD insert / NEW: DVD label

[Lex]

Introducing: initial version of... DVD label!

Print + preview versions, size: ~0.7MB

[Lex]

Would you be offended if I offered to clean up the wording for the description? Some of it is clumsy and just needs a bit of tweaking.
I noticed the same thing with the intro to the game so in that sense it fits well.

While waiting for you, I used description of game from GOG.com - they cleaned it a little. Also I added "some more things". ^^

DVD insert v5, size: ~3.4MB

[askjosh]

if they ever do decide to make a retail package this is what they should use to create it with

[Lex]

if they ever do decide to make a retail package this is what they should use to create it with

Hehe, you think so?

Meanwhile, ver.6 with a little more changes on back cover, size: ~3.4MB

[eternal]

I guess since they cleaned it up I don't have to go over it. There are still some minor things. They have it starting with
"Legend of Grimrock
Dungeon crawling role playing..."

When it should be
"Legend of Grimrock
is a dungeon crawling role playing..."

As for the rest some of the wording is just wonky. Saying something is "with an oldschool heart mated with modern execution." would be better just left "with an old school heart and modern execution."
You can't really be sentenced to death by exile. Exile itself doesn't mean death. And saying they are vile crimes is kind of redundant since we already know they are being sentenced harshly. The tombs were not built by crumbled civilizations. There are problems with the tense (past, present) here.
The ending is kind of odd. They don't know that they will be free if they descend and they don't have to form a team but they must work together if they want to live.
"If they wish to see the light of day and regain their lost freedom once again the prisoners must work together taking the only path available to them....down through the mountain Grimrock!"

It is just a matter of clunky language. As I said I noticed the same thing in the intro. At least it doesn't take away from the game. Oh and great work on this by the way. When you get it done I am printing this off for sure so I just want to say Thanks in advance!

[Lex]

I've corrected sentences:

Code: Select all

Legend of Grimrock
A dungeon crawling role playing game with an old school heart and modern execution. A group of prisoners are sentenced to certain death by exile to the secluded Mount Grimrock for vile crimes they may or may not have committed. Unbeknownst to the captives, the mountain is riddled with ancient tunnels, dungeons and tombs built by crumbled civilizations of days long past. If they wish to see the light of day and regain their lost freedom once again the prisoners must work together taking the only path available to them....down through the mountain Grimrock!

What about the rest? I'm not so fluent in English to "see" small nuances.
Also, I am not so sure about "is" at the beginning of second line - looks weird

[Lex]

DVD label ver.2 print+preview with rating and copyrights, size: ~0.7MB

[Darklord]

Well we have an official Insert now, but this is still a nice alternative, leave it up so people have a choice.

Daniel.

[Sol_HSA]

I don't think you're allowed to use the PEGI rating logos without paying them for it..

[Lex]

I don't think you're allowed to use the PEGI rating logos without paying them for it..

Well, I do not know either - but this is not official work. Anyway I'll be able to delete them if requested.